VREAU!

Tarabostes Decides:
Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally
The Issue

Far-right-wing Nazi supporters plan to stage a rally in the city center tomorrow, giving voice to their violent, racist views.

The Debate

1. "Frankly, I'm appalled that the government can even consider allowing this travesty to go ahead," says prominent Jewish personality Beth Mombota. "We can't let these animals broadcast their message of hate. Surely Tarabostes is too civilized for that."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

2. "It's exactly because we're civilized that we must let the demonstration proceed," says free speech campaigner Charles Wall. "We may not like what they have to say, but in this society, people have the right to argue whatever political view they want, no matter how hateful, selfish, or stupid it is."

Southern Tarabostes Demands Semi-Autonomy
The Issue

Politicians from a distant and obscure part of Tarabostes have been calling for the government to split Tarabostes into various semi-autonomous regions, each with an elected council to govern their designated area.

The Debate

1. "The government is too centralised," complains rural villager, Billy Rifkin. "We get these big-city politicians making rulings that affect our way of life, when they have absolutely no idea what our way of life is! One of them even suggested that farmers should be banned from picking crops in case they disturbed the local wildlife! What we need are various councils to govern their own part of Tarabostes, giving us the chance to have our say on laws affecting our area. It'll bring politics to the people! Of course this will require the implementation of a council tax to fund it all, but if that's the cost of more political freedom, then so be it!"

2. "Councils? Are you mad?" gasps political commentator, Lars Winters. "Most of the politicians we already have earn very large sums each year - and you want to employ even more?! We must not listen to the whims of some dangerous separatist movement; next they'll be wanting independence! I suggest we keep the government in one place where we can keep an eye on it and stop creating more jobs for over-paid politicians. Heck, why not trim off the ones we don't need while we're at it and give some leeway to the taxpayers? Anyway, if we allowed places like West Tarabostes to make decisions for themselves, they would soon be introducing laws allowing them to marry their cousins or something - you know what they're like..."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

3. "These people are obviously power-hungry lunatics," whispers Hope Dredd, one of your innumerable advisors. "They're simply trying to loosen your grip on the nation! Let's just send anyone who opposes your absolute rule to the gallows and ban elections. We hardly need them when you always know what to do! There may be some protest, but we can just lower taxes and they'll be as happy as clams."

Blood Banks Running Dry
The Issue

A violent and rather messy stampede of sabertooth-tigers during a parade in your honour has brought widespread media attention to the shortage of blood, plasma and platelet donors in Tarabostes.

The Debate

1. "Blood donation should be compulsory!" argues Faith Johnson, a spokesperson for the Tarabostes Blood Donors' Association. "We can't expect citizens to come flocking to donate blood just out of the goodness of their hearts, so the government should take the matter into its own hands. If we could maybe require healthy citizens to... let's say... donate blood every three months, we wouldn't have such a problem with shortages. It'll require more funding to organise and carry out, yes, but your people are worth it, aren't they?"

2. "Don't listen to that devil worshipper!" preaches Jazz Wu, a Jehovah's Witness. "It isn't up to us to decide what should be done, it is God, and only God, who decides what someone should do with their blood. I'd rather die clean and go to Heaven, thank you very much! We must heed this Gospel and ban blood donations now! Of course some people will die, but they will be rewarded in the afterlife for obeying His word."

3. "You're kidding, right?" burbles anaemic patient Pete Gutenberg from a hospital bed. "I'm not going to let some closed-minded priest tell me what I can and can't do with my blood! But I don't think people should be forced to give blood; they just need incentive, that's all. Like money. Trust me, any kind of 'forlorns For Blood' scheme will have them almost begging to donate. It's the only humane way to ensure that people like me are getting the care we need. If you're worried about funding just get it from those religious nuts... they're not helping anyone with it."

4. "I have an even better idea," says Zeke Chicago, a prison officer. "How about we force every healthy prisoner to donate blood? It's about time they gave back to society what they've taken away in the first place. If we do this we won't have to beg the law-abiding citizens of Tarabostes to take time out of their day to give blood. It's not like these thugs are really doing anything for us, so missing a pint or three won't matter, am I right?"
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
The Issue

Top military designers in your secret laboratories have proposed projects to create nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons and are looking to you for government support and funding.

The Debate

1. "This is a necessary step towards the creation of a safer Tarabostes," claims Freddy Christmas, the leading researcher. "Yes, it will mean a large areas of land will become unusable as a result of the testing, and it will cost billions of forlorns, but that's the price we must pay for our national security. Just think of the power we will have if we can turn our enemies into plate glass!"

2. "Why stop with making weapons for ourselves?" asks Buffy Wall, CEO of Wendy's Weapons stores. "We can sell them to all sorts of groups and organisations: other nations, the UN, terror- uh - freedom fighters, anyone! And we produce our own for our protection. Think of the money we can make! I'm sure none of our clients would ever even think of trying to use them to influence our government with threats or anything like that!"
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

3. "You want to bring NUKES into Tarabostes?!" screams anti-nuclear protestor, Melbourne Nagasawa. "This won't make us safer - it will just give the power to destroy everything to a few people! We must hunt down the people who suggested this evil plan and have them hanged! We must protect nature from the horrible influences of science. I say ban all new weapons research!"

Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco
The Issue

After a sixty year old man with psoriasis streaked past cameras and millions of sports fans during the snooker league playoffs, protesters have called for tougher action.

The Debate

1. "This can't go on!" says traumatized snooker player Chastity du Pont, "Children are watching sports and having them exposed to this lewd behaviour is unacceptable! I demand that these people be locked up for several years and maybe they'll have learnt their lesson!"
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

2. "Oh don't be ridiculous!" scoffs prolific streaker Randy Hendrikson, "It's all just a bit of fun and the kids shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, or they'll learn nothing! Sports are so dull anyway, it needs a little bare skin to liven it up. Streaking should be legal!"