Ascultati acum la mine

Tarabostes Decides:
Time To Put The Older Senators Out to Pasture?
The Issue

Many people are starting to think that it's time to put term limits on elected officials, given the average age of 70 years old and 40 years of service in the nation's Parliament.

The Debate

1. "It's time to get these lifetime politicians off the government payroll!" says term-limits advocate Tobias Christmas. "Let them get real jobs like the rest of us once they leave office. Besides, if they are currently a Senator, they can always run for another office like Governor. This gives people the right to elect whomever they want to run for office, just not the same office forever. It'll keep things from going completely stale!"
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2. "Wait a minute," says Hack Rubin, chairman of the national Infinite Power party. "We pay a lot of money to get those people into office. It can take several terms before we get a return on our investment, I mean, candidates. We should extend the number of years for each term, not limit the number of times a person can serve in any specific office!"

3. Your aunt's mother's step-sister's best friend's hairstylist, Elizabeth Wu, pooh-poohs the entire idea. "You know how to run your country, yes? Why deal with the hassle of elected officials and elections in the first place, yes? Eliminate elections and this entire term limit issue becomes moot, yes?"

No Pain, No Gain!
The Issue

Due to the recent capture of a foreign terrorist in Tarabostes, high-level military officials want the government to authorize torture to extract information about other terrorist activities.

The Debate

1. "Torture is the only way that we can get these idiots to tell us anything," says General Thomas Wu of Tarabostes's special forces division. "After all, violence is the only shared language we have with these scum."

2. "Are you kidding?" states political activist Max Steele. "Torture never works. If anything, it should be outlawed. What do we want to become, genocidal maniacs?

3. "There's nothing wrong with torture, but we can't make it too obvious," says Secretary of Defense Miranda Steele. "How about we simply ask them nicely, and then, if they don't tell us, we kill them? That's better just from the intimidation."
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Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate
The Issue

The Batter Up! Baseball League has begun to grow in popularity and is now seeking government support in establishing teams and stadiums throughout the nation.

The Debate

1. "Holy cow, is this gonna be great!" hollers BUBL President and sports nut Roger du Pont, wearing a fashionable giant foam finger on his right hand. "Baseball is just what Tarabostes needs right now! Think about it: soda, popcorn, hot dogs... oh, and I'm sure the economy will benefit somehow, too! All we need is the government funding to build stadiums and teams, and we'll be on every TV and in every city in the country!"
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2. "You're going to spend the taxpayer's money on WHAT?" counters Minister of Finance Falala Dredd, from a newly furnished office. "I mean, I love playing a good game of baseball every now and then, but does the government really need to go around supporting this? The only people that are going to benefit are a bunch of fat-cat burger vendors and bored hicks with nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon! We need to stop spending so much money on these ridiculous games and get back to what's really important: running the business of the country."

Scandal Rocks Tarabostes's Government!
The Issue

A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

The Debate

1. "They found out I did WHAT?!" Advisor Lotsalovin says in his morning meeting in your office. "This just can't happen! How can government officials do their jobs properly if we have to work under the constant scrutiny of these idiotic supermarket tabloids? I say tabloid newspapers must be banned, and we must not allow newspapers to speak ill of our government officials... for the good of Tarabostes, of course..."
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2. "Unbelievable!" says Reverend Jazz Hendrikson of the local Catholic church. "Our government officials must be held to a higher standard than this! Mr. Lotsalovin must be removed from office and jailed. We cannot allow such disgusting corruption within the halls of justice!"

3. "Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator Max Dredd. "What happened to Mr. Lotsalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over Tarabostes every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

Need For Speed?
The Issue

After watching the movie 'The Fast and the Belligerent', boyracers from all over Tarabostes have been petitioning for the abolition of speed limits.

The Debate

1. "Today's cars are safer at high speeds than ever before," argues Lars Broadside, editor of Sports Car Monthly. "And long-distance commuters are tired of spending hours on the road just to get to the next city. Abolishing the speed limit would be great for the economy too! People would be more likely to go out and buy cars if they thought they'd be able to use them properly. It seems like such a shame to be puttering along at the speed limit in a magnificent car like the 450HP twin-turbo Sabertooth-tiger SX/T-7700 you know."

2. "Are you crazy?" cries Alexei Mombota, a road-accident victim. "We need lower speed limits on automobiles, not higher. You might as well enforce mandatory blindfolds on the road too, it'll come to the same conclusion! People's lives are at stake here! If people were made to drive at, say, no faster than fifty kilometres per hour, I would feel a lot happier walking the streets. Besides, if it takes a long time to get places via car then people might begin using mass transit for once."

3. "I think the current speed limits are fine, but we need better enforcement," says Peggy Johnson, the most feared traffic warden in Tarabostes. "If we required GPS tracking devices in all vehicles, we'd ticket every single speeder, no problem. In addition, we could monitor the movements of criminals and other suspicious individuals, and vastly reduce the risk of crime, terrorism, and other subversive activity. Some say that's an invasion of privacy, but if you've done nothing wrong what's there to fear?"
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