joi, 31 ianuarie 2008

Noi hotarari

Plague Of The Hybrids!
Government Acts
The Issue

Angry farmers have taken to the streets demanding the government to act after reported sightings of strange sabertooth-tiger-like dogs eating all the crops in fields.

The Debate
"This unholy union should never have taken place to begin with," comments Jazz Trax, an angry farmer. "The sabertooth-tiger was never meant to mate with a dog! They eat my crops, they attack my livestock and they're breeding so quickly they're swamping the environment! We can't make a living like this! You've got to give us the funds and manpower to shoot anything that comes within a mile of our property and put an end to these freaks of nature! We must wipe these creatures out now or before you know it all we'll be eating is fish."

"We can't just destroy these creatures!" exclaimed Roger Love, owner of Tarabostes's biggest safari park. "They may look ugly to you, but I think they're just beautiful. We need to study them and understand them; think of what we could learn! These wonderful beasts may be a little harmful to the environment, but think of the people who will flock to see them! It would be an educational experience! Think of the money!"

"We could always just kill off all the dogs," Hope Gutenberg of the "Keep The Species Pure" foundation whispers to you in a conversation. "The sabertooth-tiger is one of the many things our country is famous for; any perversion of its image reflects upon us all! We can't have their image spoilt by these ugly abominations! Just get the police to go around and kill them all and we can rest easy knowing our countryside is safe!
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
Government Acts
The Issue

Concerned mothers and nervous school-leavers are petitioning the government to abolish compulsory military service.

The Debate
"Our children are forced to be trained to murder!" protests Aaron Licorish, chairman of the Parents Against All Things Violent organisation. "For too long now the government has been snatching away our children and training them to become killing machines. This arcane practice must be banned at once! Sure, some of them could end up breaking into cars or terrorising old people, but hey, kids will be kids, right?"

"What a preposterous idea!" scoffs Drill Sergeant Peggy Bush. "The youth of Tarabostes has never needed the discipline provided by the armed forces more than it does today, and with all those rogue states out there we need all the recruits we can get! If anything, the government should lengthen the required service and drop the minimum age to something more reasonable."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain
Government Acts
The Issue

Due to the explosive population growth in Tarabostes, coupled with recent droughts, people are beginning to worry about the nation's decreasing water supply, and who should get first dibs on the vital H20.

The Debate
"We need this water to raise our crops," says incensed farmer Melbourne Dredd. "If it wasn't for us farmers, the rest of Tarabostes would be starving. How about laying the blame where it belongs, and look to those cookie cutter suburban houses with their green lawns and pristinely washed mini-vans!"
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


"It is my right to have the most beautiful lawn in the neighborhood," says neighborhood spokesman Alexei Chicago. "Our community spends a lot of effort cultivating a nice environment for our kids to grow up in. Why, if they didn't have these nice lawns to play in, they would be hanging out on street corners peddling drugs, or worse! Won't someone please think of the children?"

"Here is a novel idea," proclaims Falala Falopian, spokesperson for radical environmental group Leave Nature Alone. "How about getting rid of all these dams and irrigation projects that are getting in the way of Mother Nature's plans for the water. It is time to allow the rivers to take their natural courses and leave the environment alone. I'm sure things will work out fine if we let Nature take its course."

"Obviously, who gets how much water is only a part of the problem," notes famed population-control advocate Stephanie Summers. "We must try to curtail the rapid growth of our population, whether by limiting the amount of children people may have, or by deporting immigrants and criminals... we must get a handle on our population before we can hope to correct this water supply problem."

Illegal File-Sharing Flares
Government Acts
The Issue

A surprise raid conducted on ISPs over the last week in Tarabostes shows that more than 30% of all Internet data transfer in Tarabostes at one time or another is used by illegal file-shares to illegally distribute files, most notably songs.

The Debate
"What we need to do is hack their computers and format their hard drives," says Chastity Summers, recording industry representative. "People need to be taught to not mess with the law. This is theft, pure and simple. And they're not only halving our revenue to tune of billions of forlorns, but you are also stealing a few hundredths of a forlorn from the artist for every song they steal. THINK OF THE STARVING ARTISTS!"

"Yo, dude, like, don't be hatin' man," says teenager Miranda Love. "We're like, going to change the whole structure of our society. Everything should be like, publicly available to, like, everybody, dude. Copyrights are so, like, uncool man and we need to get rid of them. That'd be totally radical, and cool as well."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

"Yo, dang, blizzity blang, yo, this ain't, right, yo," says Buy Wu, famous rapper with three platinum albums. "Dang, yo, we dang need to copy-protect my dang CDs, yo. That dang playability life dang decreases, yo, but it's the only way to stop this, dang, yo."

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